THe FReCKLeD FINGeR

So New York City wants to throw on an extra tax for sugary drinks and unhealthy foods, like pizza.

All of this, of course, is under the guise that NYC is trying to help it's extra large residents in the ongoing struggle against obesity.  The major engine behind this tax is that it will sway fatsos from buying soda and junk food, therefore trimming their diet, because they will not stand for this and REFUSE to pay the extra buck to indulge and binge. 

Come on.  If there was a cup cake inside an alligator's mouth, you better be sure there will be an obese person sneaking up behind it.  A tax is not going to sway a person from eating... especially now because all these round bozos classify overeating as a 'disease'.

Watch.  This tax will be in the city for less than a day before a lawsuit against the city is filed claiming that:

My client, Susan Trunfio, is morbidly obese and due to the city's recent food tax, chronically under funded to support her habit.  She is sick.  She is diseased.  She needs these products to keep her healthy and to continue to have the upper hand in her fight against this addiction.

Why can't Americans just be responsible?  If you are fat, don't eat so much shit and don't drink soda.  Listen, I know America, as a whole, is mostly full of idiots, and New York City, being the Mecca of America, is the Dream Team of morons... but I think we can handle this without this tax.

Tell ya what, NYC.  If this tax does in fact go through, you need to grant me some allowance as I am not morbidly obese and seldom , if ever, drink soda.  I state now, that Michael Bloomberg, residing Mayor of Manhattan, should allow me to cannibalize.

Hear me out.

Since A.) this tax is designed to sway fatties from furthering their fatness by neglecting sugary drinks and pizza because they do not want to overpay it, and since B.) I am at a healthy weight, I'm therefore being unfairly taxed I should be granted the right to:

• Drink the sugary, delicious blood that runs through the large, Big-Gulf sized bodies of these fat folks.
• Eat the section of the body underneath the top layer of epidermis of obese people, which is a surplus of cheese and a cache of a carbohydrate-y like goodness.

Meet me halfway here.