THe FReCKLeD FINGeR

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am finally standing behind a cause.

Haiti? No.

Chile? No.

This isn't anything like those two causes, this is more, how can I put it... fake.  Fake for the sake of this comedic rant.

HELP SAVE THE SHIRTS FOR FAT SHITS!

I was flipping through the channels tonight and saw a show about an obese kid who wears his shirt in the pool (pause for laughter) and it immediately made me remember my days as a big pile of depressing and burdensome-to-my-parents shit.  The days when I, myself, used to dawn the XXX t-shirt in the community pool.

They are all but extinct in this country.  There was once a time that a person was so ashamed of their morbid obesity that they had to wear a blanket in the pool to cover their disgusting, blubbery exteriors.  Nuh uh, not no more I say.  America has become so goddamn fat, that 80-85% of the community pool looks like a riverbank in East Africa with these basking hippos.  No need for t-shirts in the pool when the person to your very right is even fatter than you and so on and so on and so on and so on... until there's a man sun bathing on a fork lift in the parking lot, counting his TLC residual money.

We've eaten pool t-shirts into existence!  We have a long road ahead of us if we want a change.  It didn't take long to rid ourselves of pool t-shirts, but I dream of a day in the future when only one kid, two at the most, will feel so humiliated by his Michelin Man-esque physique, that he needs to wear a shirt to feel the slightest bit of comfort while around other humans.

We will see tears again my friends!  Let's make this dream, which inevitably will end up being a nightmare for some, come true once again!