THe FReCKLeD FINGeR

    So, internet dating sites are all the craze right now.  eHarmony, match.com, blacksonblondes.com.  They are enormous right now.  What happened to bars?  A place where people drink = A place where people make bad decisions = A place people will get married only because she got pregnant.  Sounds good to me.  With these internet dating sites, the usual meeting place is a coffee shop, library, Democratic convention... all places where you actually have to be Mr. or Mrs. Right.  And chances are, you are neither.  So I am an astronaut, it's in my profile, it has to be true, right?  Yep, I received 2 Nobel Peace Prizes, and 1 Honorary Mention.  I swear, look in my profile.  Though when I go to Starbucks to meet you, you drop your Grande Cappuccino Vente Razberry Non-Fat Vanilla Soy Decaf Triple-Shot Iced Latte, and see that I am nothing but a fat balding cartoonist.  Mongeese do not run that fast.  We all see these paid actors in the white backgrounds talk about finding their soul-mates on eHarmony: 

'He makes me laugh.' 

' She kissed me first.' 

'He locked me in his basement for a nine days.' 

    It is all the same crap.  And people eat this up.  Where are the commercials for the couples who did not find their one and only?  For every one success story,  I am sure there are at least 3-7 stories about missing girls found in dumpsters, abuse within the relationship and even eloping to Panama as  your parents didn't approve because, as it turns out, she doesn't teach Phonics in grade school... she dances... exotically... on laps... on men's laps.  So beware all of you out there who are self conscious about the way you look.  These dating sites can be dangerously dangerous.  At least bring a knife when you are going to Barnes & Noble to  meet 'the greatest gal in the world'... she may not be what she seems, neither great nor a gal nor a book reader.