THe FReCKLeD FINGeR

    So I was taking a train from New York down to Philadelphia today and what should arise?  That's right... a baby crying.  Awww how cute.  No, it was not the normal, tolerable, 'please give me your lactating nipple' cry... this was more of a 70 minute screaming session for dear life as if I had just shown this baby a video of me and three friends decapitating Dorah The Explorer.  Brilliantly, being the former mathlete that I am, I put on my ipod and listened to my ABBA (RIP) Playlist.  So I only faintly hear this fetus' fit, while I watched it all play out in hope of some dramatics.  It was almost like I was psychic.  I could actually picture someone on this extremely full passenger car ( a lot of travelers going home for Jesus Zombie Day) taking action - but which one would make the effort to kick this thing into unconsciousness?

    It was like filling out my NCAA Tournament bracket... there were seeds and everything.  For instance, the train was full of a lot of Indian people, and they tend to be polite, they would not even approach nor look at this baby, so in turn they would get a lower seed.  But watch out for angry black woman, even without the diary, you know she will get up and shut that baby up.  She already has 7 babies, so she would get a #1 seeding.  Same goes for 'I had a tough day in my cubicle so to compensate for the last 9 hours of working in Excel, I am drinking a 20 ounce beer in a brown bag' guy.  He could be the cinderella of this whole thing.  If that is anywhere between beer 2-4, expect magic from this guy.   Dorky white guy, like myself, may give a dirty look the baby's way, or show the parent(s) a picture of the gallows, but I would never say anything to them on how to raise or kill their child.  Therefore I would get a middle seeding.  Some teams didn't even make it into the tournament.  Take the couple in the seats behind damien.  I know they are looking at one another and the minute they get off of that train, her tubes are tied quicker than my Air Force Ones. 

    Since when did shaking your baby go out of style?  Don't be shy, just because you are in public.  I am sure there are a few people in there that will even help dispose of the corpse, or at least testify that it was self defense.  

"Yes your honor, that's right.  The 5 month old baby did have a knife and being under oath, I cannot lie... he did try to attack some of the passengers.  (Cue sobbing)  I am sorry, this is difficult to speak about.  It just happened so quickly, I've never seen an infant do something like that.  I have not had a nightmare-free slumber since the incident...' 

    There is no age limit on abortion... it just makes the process more difficult and expensive the older the child/teenager is. 

*****THE MORE YOU KNOW*****